***Guest Appearance
Credits to:
https://www.youtube.com/@OurBlackEmpowerment
“It’s All About the Private Real Estate MONEY – Jay Conner shares on the GetOnCode show”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyPBbR6KMuM
What do you do when your bank unexpectedly closes the door on your real estate deals? For Jay Conner, it was the catalyst for not only building a multi-million dollar business, but also a movement in financial empowerment.
In a recent conversation with Seko Varner for the Get On Code podcast—an empowerment platform centered on Black empowerment and wealth—Jay delivered a masterclass on raising private money and the mindset needed to succeed in real estate investing.
From Bank Roadblocks to Opportunity
Jay’s journey began in 2003 with a humble start in eastern North Carolina. For six years, he and his wife Carol Joy relied on traditional banks to fund their house flips. Then, in January 2009, disaster struck: “We’re not loaning money to real estate investors anymore,” Jay’s banker, Steve, told him amid the global financial crisis.
Staring down the loss of his funding, Jay asked the pivotal question that changed everything: “Who do you know that can help you with your problem?” This led him to Jeff Blankenship, who introduced him to the world of private money, where individuals, not banks, finance deals. This lesson underscores Jay’s core advice: when you’re stuck, ask better questions and seek connections—your network is everything.
Private Money: It’s About Mindset
Jay is adamant that getting private money is first about owning “the real estate between your ears.” That is, changing your mindset from asking for money to teaching and serving others. Instead of desperately chasing investors, Jay suggests putting on your “teacher’s hat”—educating your connections about how they can get high returns through safe, secured investments in real estate.
Most of Jay’s 47 private lenders had never heard of private money or self-directed IRAs—tools that enable individuals to use retirement funds to invest in real estate deals, earning returns tax-deferred or even tax-free. By sharing knowledge and structure—not just asking for cash—he transformed relationships and built trust.
The Magic Script and Secret Sauce
One of the most actionable parts of Jay’s conversation with Seko was his script for approaching potential private lenders:
“I have great news for you. I can now put your money to work. I’ve got a house under contract; the funding matches what you have available, and closing is next week. You’ll need to wire funds to my attorney’s trust account, and I’ll send over the details.”
Notice what’s missing? There’s no pressure, no desperate pitch. Lenders are brought in before a deal exists, educated on the process, and their comfort and trust are prioritized. “Desperation stinks,” Jay quips, emphasizing that deals go smoother—and faster—when you lead with value.
Growing Your Network for Capital
Jay identifies three sources for private money: your warm market (people you know), your expanded warm market (business networking, such as BNI), and existing private lenders. But he encourages starting with those you know, especially retirees who may have unused funds and are tired of volatile, low-yield investments. He even shared his favorite openers—sometimes just “I need your help”—to spark curiosity and find partners, not just financiers.
It’s a Win-Win
Jay’s approach goes beyond transactions—it’s about changing lives. He shared heartfelt testimonials from investors whose retirements were transformed by safe, solid returns. His message is clear: real estate investing with private money isn’t just about personal gain. It’s a ripple effect, empowering families, community members, and everyone looking for better financial options.
Closing Advice
Jay left Seko’s audience with a powerful challenge, inspired by leadership guru John Maxwell: “When was the last time you did something brand new for the first time?” Growth and wealth await those who step outside their comfort zones.
If you’re ready to start raising private money, serve first, educate consistently, and remember: the most important real estate you’ll ever own is in your mindset.
Want to learn more from Jay? Check out his podcast “Raising Private Money with Jay Conner” or grab his best-selling book, “Where to Get the Money Now,” for just the cost of shipping. Empower yourself—the next opportunity is just one connection away.
10 Discussion Questions from this Episode:
- Jay Conner talks about the importance of empowerment and consuming things that uplift you. How does this philosophy relate to real estate investing, and how do you “feed” your mind for success?
- Jay shares that his biggest early mistake was not getting a mentor or coach. How crucial do you think mentorship is in real estate or entrepreneurship generally? Can you relate to his experience?
- When Jay lost his line of credit in 2009, he reframed his problem by asking, “Who do you know that can help you with your problem?” How has asking the right questions changed the course of your challenges?
- Private money and self-directed IRAs were brand-new concepts to Jay until another investor introduced him to them. What are some financial tools or strategies you wish you had learned about earlier?
- Jay emphasizes a mindset of serving and teaching others about private lending, claiming it helps overcome the “fear of rejection.” How do you feel about the idea of ‘leading with value’ as an approach to networking and raising capital?
- The episode highlights the “smell of desperation” when raising private money. Why do you think separating the teaching of the opportunity from pitching a deal is so effective?
- Jay mentions that most of his 47 private lenders had never even heard of private money before he educated them. How important is education in building trust and expanding your circle of influence?
- The three categories for finding private money include your warm market, expanded network, and existing private lenders. Which of these do you think would be most accessible/effective for a beginner, and why?
- Jay shares a story about securing his first $500,000 private lender by asking for help, not money. What does this say about the power of indirect approaches in business conversations?
- At the end, Jay relays a lesson from John Maxwell: “When was the last time you did something brand new for the first time?” What new thing are you considering trying this year, and how do you push yourself out of your comfort zone?
Fun facts that were revealed in the episode:
- Jay Conner’s First Private Lender Came from a Church Conversation: Jay met his very first $500,000 private lender not by pitching a deal, but simply by saying, “I need your help,” to a fellow church member after Bible study. That led to a life-changing partnership and even more referrals!
- Jay Brings Home a Big Check When He Buys Properties: Jay doesn’t just buy real estate—he frequently brings home a check at closing! By borrowing up to 75% of the after-repaired value (not just the purchase price) and buying at a steep discount, he can cover both the purchase and renovation, sometimes walking away from the closing table with extra cash for himself.
- Podcast & Book Giveaway: Jay hosts the podcast “Raising Private Money with Jay Conner” and has been sharing his expertise for over eight years. He’s so passionate about teaching others that he gives away his bestselling book “Where to Get the Money Now” for free—just pay shipping and handling!
Timestamps:
00:01 Starting Mistake: Lacking a Mentor
06:12 Self-Directed IRA Explanation
07:39 Private Money Teaching Initiative
10:57 Funding Script for Private Lenders
16:11 Streamlining Investment Conversations Strategy
17:56 Real Estate Investment Strategy
23:21 Expanding Your Network
24:42 Networking Strategy for Real Estate Investors
28:48 $50K Check Without Own Funds
31:39 25% Equity Cushion Strategy
35:22 Securing $500K via Indirect Lending
38:29 8% Interest Investor Pitch
41:45 Shipping Price & Real Estate Insights
46:57 Keys to Success: Embrace New Challenges
48:03 Try More, Succeed More
Private Money Academy Conference:
Free Report:
https://www.jayconner.com/MoneyReport
Join the Private Money Academy:
https://www.JayConner.com/trial/
Have you read Jay’s new book, Where to Get the Money Now?
It is available FREE (all you pay is the shipping and handling) at
https://www.JayConner.com/Book
What is Private Money? Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner
https://www.JayConner.com/MoneyPodcast
Jay Conner is a proven real estate investment leader. He maximizes creative methods to buy and sell properties with profits averaging $67,000 per deal without using his money or credit.
What is Real Estate Investing? Live Private Money Academy Conference
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https://www.youtube.com/c/RealEstateInvestingWithJayConner
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